i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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