I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
