At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
