I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
