We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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