I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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