So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
