best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
