You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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