did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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