I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
