I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
