We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
