I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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