genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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