Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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