Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
being pregnant is like rehab
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
