Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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