WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
