oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
