covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
