so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
