All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
