so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
