I wanna passion pit in your ass
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
