All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
