Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
