what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
