My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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