I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
