is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
