omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
