So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
