I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
