I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
