My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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