don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
