absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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