This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
