Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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