is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
