Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
