He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
