Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
