I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
