is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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