a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
