he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you had me at cake vodka
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
