I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
