we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
